Dating during the 21st century is definitely a different experience from any other time in history. My grandmother met her husband at a weekly Friday night dance hosted by the neighborhood YMCA, my parents met at a fraternity party while, and today if you didn’t meet your significant other in college people seem to either met through work, friends/family, connections from the past, or… an online dating app.
If you have been reading my blog for a little bit, then you probably know that I broke off an engagement a couple of years ago. {Sidenote: Out of respect of everyone involved, I obviously never plan to share any details other than to say that the whole situation was understandably, very disappointing on many levels}.
For those of you who are newly single and freshly out of a long-term relationship, I would say learn from my mistake – take a few months, learn to be single again, and concentrate on yourself for a little while before you enter the dating world. I was exhausted for different reasons after my relationship ended and spent time going about my life during the day and at night would sit on my couch and watch one rom com after another. Fast-forward to about a month and a half later and I started spiraling a little, thinking of the family I wanted to have, meeting someone new, being alone, etc. and at times it honestly felt suffocating. The loneliness got the better of me and I downloaded a dating app, meet someone right before covid broke out, who was completely wrong for me, and spent time together for a few months. I hope this doesn’t sound unkind or like I used that person, but the biggest lesson I learned from that experience is that it is always better to be alone and wait for the right person, than be with a wrong person to fill a void. And honestly, since I was in an ‘almost right’ relationship I basically know exactly what I’m looking for and being with a ‘wrong’ person starts to feel empty, quickly.
On another honest note, it probably took me to June of 2021, about 16 months, to reach a point where something broke in me and I mentally thought ‘it’s time’, and I started looking for someone with intention, rather than making an effort to ‘get out there’. I will say if you are newly single don’t wait too long to put yourself out there, because I think the longer you wait the harder it will probably seem, and sometimes you need force yourself till you have a break of mental clarity where the hand of the past totally lets you go.
In case you are wondering, no I don’t think I have met the ‘right person’ just yet, and no, I did not met my ex through online dating. I will say on an optimistic note, for those of you who are thinking about trying online dating/currently are on a dating app, I do know a good amount of people who have married people they met through online dating {via the league, bumble, hinge, match, etc.}. And if you are still on your journey, in the words of Kathleen Kelly {You’ve Got Mail}, there is always the hope of someone new. For now, here are a few tips for dating apps
Tip 1:
In my experience, I think it is better to use one or two apps/websites at the most, otherwise it just seems overwhelming {at least for me}. Even at the minimum, I sometimes find myself getting frustrated and deleting and downloading again just because they can be overwhelming and frustrating at times, and sometimes I feel like I need a fresh start with an app
Tip 2:
Be true to yourself and honest about who you are. There someone out there for you, and everyone is looking for something different. Make a point to make you profile as true to yourself as you can so you can possibly met the person who is looking for you!
Tips 3:
Use good pictures. Use picture that look like ‘you’. Also, everyone has different preferences, but I would say to post pictures mainly of yourself
Tip 4:
Know yourself, and have an idea of what you are looking for
Tip 5:
Always go with you gut. If you don’t feel like you connect with someone/are unsure/or have a weird feeling about someone, just move on. There’s no need to waste your time or someone else’s; in my opinion, your gut is right more often
Tip 6:
Always make a point to be safe. Google the people you plan to meet, make sure they are the person they say they are, and if you want to be extra cautious there are online background sites where you can pay like $20 a month to run a light basic background check on someone.
Tip 7:
Meet somewhere you feel comfortable with and make sure a family member or a friend knows where you plan to go and who you’re meeting
Tip 8:
Have fun and try not to stress. Things usually workout how they are supposed to and what’s meant to be will be.
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